So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
