seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
