so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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