we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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