turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
