Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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