all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
