I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
