Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
