Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
