I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
