Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
