cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
