Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
