life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
