i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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