I think I am morally bankrupt
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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