oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
