Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
