Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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