we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
