i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
