when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
