It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm at about main and main street
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
