He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
