Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
