just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
