If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
