What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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