it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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