I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
