Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Floor bacon is actually really good
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
