Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
