you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
