I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
