My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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