So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
