Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
