Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
sarcasm needs its own font
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
