Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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