ADVERTISEMENT

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What did I say to him last night?

  (385): View more from Utah

  Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  all in all not a bad night

  Fav 5 1902 1125

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Toronto

  I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it

  Fav 18 1135 2889

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (703): View more from Virginia

  my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming

  Fav 13 906 3844

  share tweet
  

• (818): View more from California

  so... thinking about masturbating finally

  (661): View more from California

  taking the losers way out I see

  Fav 14 895 3047

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!

  Fav 10 1073 4715

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves

  Fav 28 5567 1342

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (913): View more from Kansas

  My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.

  Fav 9 1447 1333

  share tweet
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.

  Fav 1 920 526

  share tweet
  

• (408): View more from California

  Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.

  Fav 2 832 711

  share tweet
  

• (260): View more from Indiana

  Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!

  Fav 0 202 350

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia

  Fav 2 197 530

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (765): View more from Indiana

  I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n

  Fav 0 15 39

  share tweet
  

• (334): View more from Alabama

  If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?

  Fav 0 8 47

  share tweet
  

• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"

  Fav 0 58 14

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (802): View more from Vermont

  How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him

  Fav 0 21 52

  share tweet
  

Randomize