when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
