Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
