I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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