my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
