life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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