It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
being pregnant is like rehab
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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