I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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