You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
