She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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