i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
