I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
