The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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